Christmas Jokes
Vernon Coleman
Much of the stuff on this website is (inevitably) rather serious. But here are some daft Christmas jokes I wrote for Antoinette’s advent calendar last year. We would like to share them with you. You can groan with us.
What did the Teddy Bear get for Christmas dinner?
Lots of stuffing
What sort of cake do birds like at Christmas?
Seed cake
What do you call the patch of grass where a snowman stands?
Snowman’s land
Why is Santa such a great star?
He’s got a lot of presence
What sort of music artist would it be good to have around before Chrsitmas?
A wrapper
Why did Father Christmas stop delivering presents
He got the sack
How do reindeer let people know they’re coming?
They toot their horns
What did the Christmas tree do when it wanted to grow?
Opened a branch office
How do you reward a brave Christmas tree?
By giving it another decoration
What is always likely to be on the telly at Christmas?
Cards
Why is Father Christmas so fat and jolly?
He has two mince pies and a glass of sherry at every house he visits
Why doesn’t Father Christmas say much?
Because he was told to wrap up
Who brings pussycats their presents?
Santa Claws
What game do Christmas presents play under the tree when everyone has gone to bed?
Gift tag
What did the ewe give everyone for Christmas?
A woolly jumper
Why did Father Christmas win the personality contest?
He’d got more presence than anyone else
What day is Christmas this year?
Christmas day, as usual
Why couldn’t the Christmas tree play its `White Christmas’ album?
It lost its last needle
What falls at Christmas but never gets hurt?
Snow
What do tigers, elephants and monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells
What ducks sit on the table at Christmas?
Christmas quackers
What hang on a reindeer?
Hornaments
Did you hear about the bad man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 24 days
Why are Christmas trees poor at knitting?
They drop their needles
What did the cat get for Christmas?
Mittens
What does Father Christmas get on Christmas morning?
Sooty
What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve.
Why does the alphabet at Christmas only have 25 letters?
No-el
What do you call Santa’s children?
Subordinate clauses
What do you call one of Santa’s helpers who wears blue suede shoes?
Elfis Presley
What do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frost bite
Why didn’t Santa have to pay for his sleigh?
It was on the house
Copyright Vernon Coleman December 2019
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