Christmas Jokes

Vernon Coleman





Much of the stuff on this website is (inevitably) rather serious. But here are some daft Christmas jokes I wrote for Antoinette’s advent calendar last year. We would like to share them with you. You can groan with us.

What did the Teddy Bear get for Christmas dinner?
Lots of stuffing

What sort of cake do birds like at Christmas?
Seed cake

What do you call the patch of grass where a snowman stands?
Snowman’s land

Why is Santa such a great star?
He’s got a lot of presence

What sort of music artist would it be good to have around before Chrsitmas?
A wrapper

Why did Father Christmas stop delivering presents
He got the sack

How do reindeer let people know they’re coming?
They toot their horns

What did the Christmas tree do when it wanted to grow?
Opened a branch office

How do you reward a brave Christmas tree?
By giving it another decoration

What is always likely to be on the telly at Christmas?
Cards

Why is Father Christmas so fat and jolly?
He has two mince pies and a glass of sherry at every house he visits

Why doesn’t Father Christmas say much?
Because he was told to wrap up

Who brings pussycats their presents?
Santa Claws

What game do Christmas presents play under the tree when everyone has gone to bed?
Gift tag

What did the ewe give everyone for Christmas?
A woolly jumper

Why did Father Christmas win the personality contest?
He’d got more presence than anyone else

What day is Christmas this year?
Christmas day, as usual

Why couldn’t the Christmas tree play its `White Christmas’ album?
It lost its last needle

What falls at Christmas but never gets hurt?
Snow

What do tigers, elephants and monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells

What ducks sit on the table at Christmas?
Christmas quackers

What hang on a reindeer?
Hornaments

Did you hear about the bad man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 24 days

Why are Christmas trees poor at knitting?
They drop their needles

What did the cat get for Christmas?
Mittens

What does Father Christmas get on Christmas morning?
Sooty

What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve.

Why does the alphabet at Christmas only have 25 letters?
No-el

What do you call Santa’s children?
Subordinate clauses

What do you call one of Santa’s helpers who wears blue suede shoes?
Elfis Presley

What do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frost bite

Why didn’t Santa have to pay for his sleigh?
It was on the house

Copyright Vernon Coleman December 2019





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