Happy Dressers
For nearly 11 years I wrote
the agony column in a newspaper which was from time to time known as The
Sunday People and from time to time as The People.
I resigned
in the summer of 2003 when the editors refused to publish two columns in which I
expressed doubts about the morality and legality of the invasion of Iraq. In
those unpublished columns I pointed out that a war which is immoral and illegal
before it starts doesn't become moral and legal when the Government's forces
start showering cluster bombs and landmines. (The full story of this
extraordinary act of censorship appears in my book 'People Push Bottles Up
Peaceniks'.)
I resigned not because the editors and I did not share
the same views about the war, but because the editors deliberately chose to
suppress my views on a subject which I regarded as being of significant
importance. It would have been hypocritical of me to have stayed.
Throughout my years writing for The People, I tried to include in
my column as many letters about crossdressing as I could. This wasn't always
easy. I sometimes got the impression that some editors felt that crossdressing
might upset the readers. For example, I tried around a dozen times to get a
letter giving the address of the 'Beaumont Society' into the paper. I never did
succeed.
Here are some of the Questions (and my Answers) about
crossdressing which were submitted but which never made it onto the
page.
Space Travel
Question
My daughter has
married a man whom we have found out is a transvestite. My husband and I want
her to divorce him but she won't. How can we persuade her to leave him and make
a new start with a proper man?
Answer
Your repressions are
showing through your prejudices. I suggest you keep your interfering fingers out
of your daughter's life. Since you clearly do not have enough excitement in your
life I suggest that you take up space travel. Offer yourself to the Americans
next time they're planning a one way trip to Mars.
Harmless Peccadillo
Question
Three months
ago I was standing in the bathroom complaining that my underwear seemed to have
stretched when my husband suddenly told me that he had been secretly wearing my
bras and panties. In order to stop him stretching my things I went shopping and
bought him lingerie to fit him. Since then I've done this regularly for him. It
has never bothered me and he is a good lover and husband. I don't know why so
many women get uptight about what seems to me to be a rather odd but pretty
harmless peccadillo. I'm just grateful he doesn't do something really stupid
like shoot clay pigeons or play golf.
Answer
Massive numbers of
men hurry off to work wearing lacy underwear beneath their dark suits, uniforms
and sports jackets and flannels. Next time you watch a pompous politician or a
self-important celebrity on TV ask yourself whether he could be one of the 10%
who regularly wear flimsy, feminine underwear. You could turn this into an
entertaining family game.
Pervert?
Question
I have just discovered
that my husband wears female clothing occasionally. I have, of course, left him.
I blame you for helping to turn him into a
pervert.
Answer
Ninety nine per cent of women crossdress. More
men should. A man who has had a hard day at the office will feel better if, when
he gets home, he can stop worrying about how many bits of government legislation
he has broken and worry instead about whether or not his seams are
straight.
A pervert is usually regarded as
someone whose sexual behaviour is abnormal. The evidence shows clearly that for
the vast majority of crossdressers wearing frocks has nothing whatsoever to do
with their sexual behaviour.
Golfers
Question
What's the difference
between a transvestite and a transsexual?
Answer
Transsexuals
are like golfers. They lose their balls. Transvestites keep theirs.
Frilly Panties
Question
I'm male and love
wearing frilly panties. Where can I buy them?
Answer
Catch the
number 69 bus into town. Get off at the stop after the Post Office. Walk 100
yards down towards the church and then take the first left and the second right.
Go past Woolworths and you'll find a lingerie shop in between Mothercare and
Halfords.
Mixed-up
Question
I very much want to go to
bed with my new boyfriend. But he is a transvestite and he won't sleep with me.
He dresses as a woman almost all the time when he isn't at work. I think he
would sleep with me while he was dressed as a woman, effectively turning me into
a sort of lesbian I suppose. I am prepared to do this if he would sleep with me.
Should I tell him? Do you think our relationship has any
future?
Answer
I fear that your new boyfriend is very mixed up
about his sexuality. Most transvestites are heterosexual and would leap at the
chance of horizontal gymnastics - regardless of who wore the suspender belt. It
sounds to me as if your new boyfriend needs to get his knickers untwisted before
either of you can decide whether or not your relationship has a real, long-term
future. You both need to talk and to be honest with one another about your
hopes, needs and expectations.
Daytime Television
Question
I got home
early the other day and found my boyfriend sitting watching the television
wearing my bra and panties.
Answer
I am not surprised that you
were concerned by this. Daytime television is dull stuff and evidence has shown
that it can addle the brain in a very short time. I suggest you give your
boyfriend an ultimatum: tell him that if you find him watching daytime
television again you will throw him out.
The Wrong Sized Bra
Question
I go swimming
twice a week but recently heard a couple of other men sniggering behind my back.
I discovered afterwards that my bra had left a clear and obvious red mark on my
shoulders and back. What can I do to prevent a bra leaving a
mark?
Answer> The bra you wore is too small. Wear a larger bra
and there will be few, if any, marks left behind when you take it off.
Incidentally, although a bra which is too small will always give a better
cleavage it can produce a host of health problems. I believe that a bra which is
too small may for example, make irritable bowel syndrome worse, affect your
blood pressure reading and create some serious pains in the arm and shoulder.
These problems are common among transvestites who need a bigger bra (a 40 or 42
for example) but who want to wear a bra with a smaller cup (A or B). Bra
manufacturers usually only make pretty bras (and bras which contain built-in
booster pads) in smaller sizes. Check out the bras on sale in a department store
and you'll usually find that 38A is the biggest A size bra available. Bras sized
over 38 are commonly available only in D cup sizes (or even larger). The
crossdresser who wants to wear a bra to work but who doesn't want a huge false
bosom making twin peaks in his shirt may choose the 38A rather than the 40D. And
this can cause problems.
Incidentally, all this
is true for women as well as men. Many women wear a bra which is the wrong size
and suffer all sorts of health problems as a result.
Treated With Contempt
Question
When my
workmates found out that I occasionally cross-dress (after someone found an
article in which I was quoted) they made my life so miserable that I had to
resign. Why is it so common for people to treat transvestites with such
contempt? Why are the papers so rude about transvestites? The posh papers in
particular are often scathing about men who dress in feminine clothing. Despite
this I have noticed that they are invariably full of sympathy for
transsexuals.
Answer
When I was interviewed for The
Independent on Sunday (a national newspaper which I gather likes to think of
itself as being tolerant and broadminded) the paper sneered at the fact that I
crossdress. They would not have dared publish anything so sneery if I'd been
gay. The broadsheet newspapers worship transsexuals but sneer at crossdressers.
There is no logical reason for this but it is, these days, the politically
correct way. Men who choose to have their balls removed are cheered. Men who
simply wear frocks are jeered.
It's difficult
to know why this is. But I suspect the main reason is (as with most prejudices)
a mixture of ignorance and fear. The more open crossdressers are, the quicker
the prejudices will disappear.
Banned
Question
Men should be banned from
wearing skirts and dresses. It would be easy to introduce a law forbidding
individuals from wearing clothes normally worn by the opposite
sex.
Answer
I wonder what the women of the world will have to
say when they discover that they are no longer allowed to wear trousers, jeans,
or shirts.
A Welcome Side Effect
Question
A colleague
of mine takes a prescription drug and has grown breasts. He is embarrassed. I am
jealous. Which drugs have this side effect.
Answer
There are a
number of drugs which can produce breast development as a side effect. But I do
not recommend that you try taking any of them for that reason. And so I'm not
going to tell you the names.
Incidentally, I
recently asked my dentist whether a treatment he planned might produce any side
effects. 'You might grow breasts,' he replied with a dismissive laugh. I smiled
all the way home. I'm no budding transsexual (I'd like to keep the twiddly bits
please) but that's one side effect I would regard as a bonus rather than a
problem.
The Ignorant And The Prejudiced
Question
Is
it true that all transvestites dress in women's clothes because it turns them on
sexually?
Answer
No, this is a complete myth perpetuated by the
ignorant and the prejudiced. A few crossdressers get sexually turned on by
frocks and frillies. Most don't. Sadly, among the ignorant buffoons doing the
perpetuating are many GPs, specialists and psychologists who really should know
better. Crossdressing has more to do with stress, pressure, escape and guilt
than with sex.
Help!
Question
I recently discovered that
my husband is a crossdresser. We have talked about it but both feel that we
would like help. In particular we would both like to meet others in the same
situation.
Answer
Contact the Beaumont Society - one of the
best known organisations for transvestites. Send an SAE for information to:
Beaumont Society, 27 Old Gloucester St, London WC1N 3XX.
Trannies Wanted
Question
I agree with you
that men should be more open about cross dressing. My husband is a mild-mannered
accountant by day and a temptress by night. Stockings and suspenders are much
sexier than an M&S vest and pants. My female friends are jealous and want to
know where they can find a tranny of their own. There are many women like me who
find a man in satin and lace exciting.
Answer
Crossdressers
whose experiences with women have been frustrating and disappointing should take
comfort from your letter. Far from disapproving there are many women, like you,
who find transvestite men attractive. And there is, of course, also the
advantage that a woman who marries a transvestite can always borrow a pair of
stockings on a Saturday night.
Copyright Vernon Coleman
2003