Those Pesky TV Licensing Thugs

Vernon Coleman





The TV Licensing people have taken to sending us letters informing us when their door-to-door thugs will visit us to make sure that we arenít watching television. I think the letters are supposed to be frightening but in fact they are quite useful because they enable us to make sure that the big gate at the bottom of the drive is locked, bolted and very barred against intruders. We canít see the gate from the house and so they definitely canít see us.

I expect theyíll soon revive their hoary old myth about TV licence detector vans. (Has anyone ever been caught by one of these fictional vans? Oddly, not. If they existed we would know because someone would have leaked the story. This is as much a fiction as the idea of BBC impartiality.)

However, I have this week discovered that sending rude, threatening demands through the post and inventing imaginary detector vans is not enough for the TV Licensing thugs.

They have now taken to sending out spam emails inviting me to pay them a fee for watching television. They claim that loads of people already do this though why I cannot imagine. Since the BBC is an unpatriotic (bordering on treacherous), sexist and racist organisation, I would have thought it is our duty to make it as difficult as possible for their Shylocks to collect money to pay Graham Nortonís obscene salary.

Iíve received two of these emails in the last two days, explaining to me the joy of paying for a TV licence by email. Actually, they were sent to my email address but addressed to someone else.

I wrote to the TV Licensing thugs demanding that they stop sending me junk mail.

They didnít bother to reply and I doubt if they will take any notice.

I hate the TV Licensing thugs so much that I think I would vote for anyone (even Jeremiah Corbyn) who promised in blood that they would get rid of the BBC Licence fee.

Copyright Vernon Coleman 2017

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