Application Form for a Job with the BBC

Dr Vernon Coleman

I have managed to obtain an application form for those who would like to work for the BBC. As you might expect the form is very simple – all you have to do is to read the questions and decide whether your answer is YES or NO. Add up the number of times you answer YES.

1 Do you ride a bicycle and have a camera fitted to your helmet?
2. Are you a communist?
3. Have you had at least three covid-19 jabs?
4. Are you a good liar?
5. Would you describe yourself as either illiterate or innumerate or both? (If you have difficulties with the question just answer YES.)
6. Is it your ambition to hobnob with famous people in Davos and Wimbledon in the same year?
7. Do you love the European Union?
8. Were you devastated by the result of the Brexit vote?
9. Do people who know you well describe you as a snotty bugger with no sense of humour?
10. Do you spend at least four hours a week arranging your recycling?
11. Do you believe that the earth is flat and that if you travel too far you will fall off the edge?
12. Would you betray friends and family for a pat on the head from the Director General and/or Gary Lineker?
13. Has anyone ever complained that you are a sex pest?
14. Would you describe BBC superstars Rolf Harris and Jimmy Savile as heroes?
15. Do you believe that it is important to suppress truths if they might upset very powerful people?
16. Do you think Bill Gates is a hero?
17. Is your IQ under 100?
18. Do you think you are better than ordinary people?
19. If you saw someone parking illegally would you telephone the police straight away?
20. Do you think old people are a nuisance especially if they are white and English?

Now add up all the times you’ve answered YES.

If you have answered YES to all the questions you would make a wonderful BBC employee and you can count on being accepted straight away. Just write to the Director General and tell him when you can start.

If you answered NO to ANY of the questions please look carefully at your answers and try to work out how you can improve your attitude and suitability for a career with the BBC.

Copyright Vernon Coleman July 2023