Asked and Answered

Vernon Coleman

I am getting married in two months’ time. The only thing that worries me is that my best man has told me that he is organising a stag night for me. All my mates have stag nights and they invariably get completely wild. At the last stag night party I went to there were a couple of cheap hookers present. After the groom had done it with them, most of the rest of the blokes did it too - in full view of everyone else. Even though I was turned on by it all I didn't do anything because I am ashamed of my penis which is very small and slightly bent when erect.

Afterwards we all got absolutely smashed, stole some cars and drove around the streets banging on the car horns and sticking our bums out of the windows. It was a great night.

What worries me is that on my stag night I won't be able to avoid exposing my private parts. Although they are my mates I know they will laugh at me.

Can you recommend something I can do to enlarge the size of my penis?

I know of no reliable method by which you can permanently increasing the size of your bent and shrunken organ.

I'm relieved that you are worried about something important and not allowing yourself to lose sleep over something trivial like the risk of contracting a disease you can pass on to your bride on your wedding night.

I wonder why you feel you have to attend a party that fills you with such dread.

Have you thought about saying something subtle like: `No, thanks. I don't want a stag party.'

No, I don't suppose you have.

And even if you had, saying `No' would probably require far too complex an inter-reaction between brain and mouth.

It is when I get letters from people like you - exhibiting all the wit, insight and moral courage of a diseased and discarded nail clipping - that I realise why we have the Government we have. It's frightening to think that people like you and your mates have the vote.

What a selfish little piece of sewage you are.

I hope your penis develops a temporary wasting disease and shrivels up to the size of a pin on your big night out with the lads.

Does that help?

These letters are taken from I Hope Your Penis Shrivels Up by Vernon Coleman, available as an eBook and a paperback on Amazon.

Copyright Vernon Coleman 2019