The Good and Bad of Fear
Dr Vernon Coleman
A little fear is a good thing. Fear helps us stay alive.
I remember a skiing holiday I took a few years ago. I had only been skiing once before and was with a group of beginners but within minutes of arriving on the slopes for the first time I found myself standing at the top of an extremely steep and nasty looking slope.
Everyone in my group of novice skiers expressed alarm and fear. Our very young ski instructor laughed at us and told us that he knew no fear and that we should also have no fear. I (and the other members of my group) quickly abandoned him. I have a rule never to do anything potentially hazardous in the company of someone who does not know fear.
But not all fear is good, useful or welcome.
Fear is one of the most potent, all-pervasive and destructive forces in our society. Fear will stop you thinking and may interfere with the way you behave. Animals, who can smell fear, know that it is a sign of weakness.
Fear, worry and anxiety lead to fatigue and exhaustion and to mental, physical and spiritual illness. (The real paradox here is that a fear of illness can create illness).
It is because they fear what others will or might say that so many people make themselves ill with work in order to buy new and fashionable motor cars, clothes and gadgets they do not really need. Fear, together with indecision and doubt, is a major enemy of success.
Many people say, boldly and almost defiantly, that they fear nothing. They are either lying or deluding themselves. Everyone fears something. We fear anything which controls or handicaps us physically, spiritually or mentally.
Conquering your fears is a vital step on the road to liberating your spirit and reaching personal freedom. But before you can conquer your fears you must first know exactly what those fears are. You must examine yourself and analyse your fears. Fears which are not confronted will grow and grow and eventually destroy you.
Most modern human fears are created by the culture in which we live. Naturally, we are susceptible to the basic, commonplace fears which affect other members of the animal kingdom. We fear hunger and pain, for example. But we also fear sickness, poverty, imprisonment, lack of freedom, loneliness and unemployment. We fear cancer, financial min, secret exposure and jealousy. We fear losing love and we fear failure.
We even fear getting old.
Many who fear old age spend much of their time and money on trying to look younger than they are. Others simply apologise for their age and use it as an excuse for everything that others criticise. Those who are most conscious of the effects of age, and most worried about ageing, are, inevitably, the ones who are most likely to suffer the adverse effects of old age. The fear of old age inevitably also includes the fears of poverty, death, ill health and pain and a loss of financial and physical freedom and independence.
And yet the fear of old age can to a large extent be eliminated by accepting it as a blessing, by realising that you have understanding and wisdom that you didn’t have when you were young.
We fear criticism, rejection and ridicule too. This type of fear is the basis of all kinds of modern fashions. When we buy our clothes, motor cars, jewellery and household furnishings we are conscious of the fact that if we choose the wrong items we may arouse the contempt of those around us. We are afraid that they will laugh at us if we buy the wrong things.
A fear of criticism robs a man of imagination, self-reliance and initiative. A fear of criticism is one of the main reasons why most people never move from their rut.
One of the commonest of all fears is that of poverty. Fear of poverty is a powerful and destructive state of mind which can destroy reason, self-reliance, imagination, enthusiasm, ambition and determination. We fear poverty because we know that few things bring as much suffering and humiliation. We fear poverty because we know that there are many cruel and rapacious individuals (and corporations) in the world who will take our money away from us without compunction — and others who will then take advantage of us and persecute us because of our poverty.
A fear of poverty often makes decision making difficult and deadens ambition; it creates pessimism and breeds doubts and excuses. Many people who worry about becoming poor spend a lot of their time planning what to do if a venture fails. They tend to procrastinate and be over cautious. And, not surprisingly, they are often also cautious about committing themselves to anything that might prove hazardous.
Our fear of poverty is enhanced by the fact that we are taught by our society that money is the key to all happiness.
Although it is undoubtedly true that money can buy some of the freedoms which lead to happiness, most people do not use money properly and certainly do not use it to buy freedom. On the contrary, most people do exactly the opposite — they give up their freedom to buy money and then spend the money they have acquired buying ‘things’ which imprison them in responsibilities.
Many people spend their lives afraid. They are afraid of illness, afraid of poverty, afraid of the boss, afraid of the doctor, afraid of work, afraid of their own shortcomings, afraid of mother, afraid of father, afraid of what the neighbours might think, afraid of not having any money, afraid of losing the money they do have, afraid of what strangers might say to one another about them, afraid of being unemployed and afraid of the police.
If it senses that you are afraid a dog will bark louder and be far more likely to bite. People are much the same. If you walk down the street timidly, showing fear, then the chances are much higher that you will be accosted or mugged. If you show fear then the children or youths you pass will be more likely to gather around and sneer and mock. Show fear and the hunt will be on.
Most people never do anything with their lives because they spend every day worrying and thinking and scheming about what has already happened (and about which they can do nothing) and what might happen (about which they can also do nothing).
They spend days and weeks and months and years rewriting history in their minds — or (and just as futile) trying to write a script for the future or to predict what will happen to them in one, five or ten years’ time. Far too much energy and effort is wasted worrying about what might go wrong and what other people will think if something does go wrong, and what the authorities might or might not do.
When you are worried about something ask yourself how much it really matters.
Does it really matter very much if your car has a scratch down the side or if you are seen in clothes which are not at the height of fashion? Does it really matter very much if you have to go out with a hole in your stocking? Is the world going to stop revolving if you make a bad speech? Will your business collapse if you go away for a few days?
In order to defeat your secret inner fears you must analyse them, find out what is behind them, bring them out into the open, confront them, look at them from every possible angle, examine them in detail, make them look silly and humiliate them.
You must always look at the bottom line to find out how much harm these hidden, secret fears can really do to you. What is the worst that can happen to you if such and such a fear comes to fruition? Facing and confronting the bottom line can be a powerful way to disembowel a fear, an anxiety or a worry.
What is the worst that can happen? Would the worst really be so bad?
Finally, find yourself a passion and a purpose that transcends ordinary life and you will find it much easier to forget the day to day problems which are otherwise likely to cause you so much distress.
NOTE
The essay above was taken from Vernon Coleman’s book `101 Things I have Learned’. To find out more please CLICK HERE
Copyright Vernon Coleman April 2025
Home