Details of Secret BBC Staff Training

Vernon Coleman

It is well-known that the BBC is bent – that it is biased and favours the EU. I couldn’t help wondering what goes on behind closed doors. If they have a Top Secret BBC Staff Training Schedule I suspect it probably looks something like this:

Monday: The Annual Goebbels Lecture on indoctrination (entitled `How to bend the news in order to demonise those who criticise the European Union’) will be followed by a 12 course luncheon. During luncheon Gary Lineker will give a lecture entitled `The Ideological Consequences of Elementary Organisational Promulgation Relating to the Offside Rule’. The afternoon will be free for snoozing and golf.

Tuesday: A practical demonstration of how to perform Hitler salute while reading the news on the wireless will be followed by a visit from an authorised barber who will give advice on how to grow and groom a Hitler style moustache. Those unable to grow a moustache of their own will be provided with stick on moustaches and a special lesson in moustache fixing. A 14 course luncheon will be provided. President Juncker will propose a vote of thanks to the BBC for providing balanced news on European issues.

Wednesday: Demonstration of how to `goose step’ will be performed by the Bavarian Hitler Youth Division in the staff car park. (Please come to work by taxi in order to ensure there is sufficient space for the demonstration. Claim taxi fares in the usual way.) Afterwards, a 16 course luncheon will be provided. Lord Tony Blair will propose a toast to the BBC and will give a short talk entitled `The Economic Benefits of War’.

Thursday: Taped lecture by President Juncker on the `Role of the BBC in the Future EU’ will be followed by an illustrated lecture on German history preceded by a live video link to the office of Frau Merkel for our annual `pep’ talk. There will be an 18 course luncheon afterwards. A balanced panel consisting of Vince Cable, David Lammy and Anna Soubry will be asked questions on the value of the EU and will discuss the importance of balance in political reporting.

Friday: A lecture entitled `England and the English’ given by Nicola Sturgeon will be followed by the annual distribution of EU bribe money to all BBC staff members. This year’s bribe bonus is expected to reach generous levels. The EU has been especially grateful for the BBC’s work since the British people got the answer wrong in the 2016 Referendum. There will be a lecture on `Investing Offshore’ followed by a 20 course luncheon.

Please don’t forget that the BBC Staff Trip to Auschwitz to celebrate Adolf Hitler’s birthday is booking now. As always this visit to the spiritual home of the European Union will be the highlight of the year. All BBC staff members are expected to attend. The trip will, of course, be paid for by BBC licence fee payers.

Copyright Vernon Coleman May 2019

P.S. Don’t give the BBC any money. Avoid the damned licence fee (details on how to do this legally are available elsewhere on this website) and don’t buy any of their products. Starve the BBC of money and the damned treacherous organisation will die. For more information read `You Wouldn’t Have Given Money to Hitler – Don’t Give Money to the BBC’ and `You Don’t Have to Pay the BBC Licence Fee’.