Conspiracy, Coup, Corruption – and Bribery

Vernon Coleman

1. When she was trying to get through her wretched and rotten deal with the EU it was rumoured that Theresa May was involved with a variety of scams to persuade MPs to vote for it. First, the DUP’s votes were said to have been purchased with a lorry load of gold for projects in Northern Ireland. And then discussions took place with a number of Labour MPs who were, so it was rumoured, talking about `donations’ of £100 million of taxpayers’ money for their constituencies. When this sort of thing goes on in hot, dusty countries it is known as bribery. And the people involved go to prison.

2. In a recent article entitled `It’s Terrifying to Look at the Men and Women Who Will Decide Our Future’ I profiled Nick Boles MP who claimed a chunk of taxpayers’s money to pay for Hebrew lessons so that he could talk to his boyfriend. Boles has now resigned from the Conservative Party but kept his seat in the House of Commons – even though he was elected on a Manifesto which promised Brexit. Boles voted against leaving the EU with `no deal’. Why don’t MPs who resign from their party feel honour bound to resign from Parliament and give up their Parliamentary salary and expenses?

3. In an article entitled `Betrayal, Betrayal, Betrayal’ I suggested readers might consider suing Theresa May. I am delighted to report that I’ve heard that a private prosecution for Malfeasance is now being brought.

4. The EU is making a big fuss over the claim that five million people are alleged to have signed a Remainer petition. The true figure is probably 10% of that since voting robots in North Korea really don’t count. Still, even five million is a considerably smaller number than the 17.4 million who voted to leave the EU.

5. Bercow, who manages the House of Commons, refused May permission to bring back her rotten deal but, strangely, allowed the silly MP votes to be repeated endlessly. Bercow, a committed Remainer, seems to believe that his opinion is worth more than the opinions of 17.4 million taxpayers.

6. Does anyone think the loathsome and smug Jon Snow would still have a job with Channel 4 if he had said he had attended a rally and said he had never seen so many black people?

7. Theresa May’s chums say she is nice and well-meaning. It really doesn’t cut the mustard does it? Dr Harold Shipman was, by all accounts, nice to his family. But you wouldn’t want him as your doctor would you?

8. The Irish have been falling over backwards to mess up Brexit so that they can attract American companies who are looking for a more stable English speaking country within Europe. What a pity it is that the Irish have forgotten that we bailed them out (with British taxpayers’ money) when they fucked up their economy in 2008. (The EU refused to help). Still, it’s no great surprise. Think back to how the Irish behaved during World War II.

9. It will be interesting to see the Party manifestos for the next general election. `If you aren’t sure what you want then vote for us!’ should suffice for both Labour and Conservative. The Greens and Liberal Democrats can go with: `If you want to remain slaves in a Neo-Nazi State then vote for us.’

10. It was a delight to see Dominic Grieve deselected from his parliamentary constituency. It was appalling to see Theresa May supporting him afterwards. Grieve has battled against Brexit – and has, therefore, fought democracy and the British people. At the last election the Conservative manifesto promised Brexit. Grieve should not be in the House of Commons. In my view, a man of honour would have resigned from his party and his seat and stood at the resulting by-election as an independent. He would have almost certainly lost.

11. Barnier has complained that Brexiteers want to destroy the EU. I’m delighted he’s noticed at last. You got that right, little froggie person. How about surrendering?

12. Corbyn has thrown away his chance of becoming Prime Minister. The ever changing Corbyn now appears to have decided that his version of Brexit means continuing to allow unlimited immigration from the EU. This is not the version of Brexit which two thirds of Labour electors voted for. My fear of a communist government has gone. Jeremy Corbyn has just lost his chance of winning the next general election. By obeying his teenage advisors and promising to retain free movement within the EU he has lost the votes traditional Labour supporters.

Copyright Vernon Coleman April 2019

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