Just Stop Nutters!
Dr Vernon Coleman
For a while I thought the protestors complaining about the climate and wanting us all to live on a diet of cold cockroaches and grass should be left alone. They were annoying so many people that they were doing irreparable damage to their stupid pseudoscientific theory that the climate is changing.
But Iíve had enough now and Iím not alone. My good friend Sir Ramick Hobbs is thinking of standing for Mayor of London and for the English Parliament with just one campaign promise in his manifesto.
If he is elected he will change the law so that it is no longer an offence to assault these protestors.
If you get pissed off with a Just Stop Oil protestor youíll be able to stuff them down a drain without worrying about the police telling you off. Indeed the police will be instructed to provide help for those confronting these annoying creatures. `Would you like help with that one, sir? Would you like to borrow my truncheon or shall I give him a little bop on the head for you?í
If you find yourself in a traffic jam being held up by the Exhibitionist Rebellion nutters then, if Sir Ramick is elected, youíll be entitled to run over as many of them as you like, quite free of charge.
You can just drive on, flatten the idiots and carry on without a care in the world. Special staff will be available on all roads to help you scrape the blood and messy bits off your car, ambulance or lorry.
So, thatís Sir Ramickís sole campaign promise: it will no longer be an offence to assault a climate change nutter or anyone disrupting anything on spurious grounds such as the now entirely disproven global warming myth.
Sir Ramick will campaign on the promise that members of the public should be allowed to hit, pummel, run over or shoot protestors who are stupid enough to think that global warming is real.
And youíll be able to stuff their banners, placards and Hi-Vis vests wherever you think most suitable.
He says the world would be a better place without these scientifically illiterate idiots Ė though it has to be admitted that their actions have already pretty well destroyed what small credibility their cause may have once enjoyed.
Meanwhile, donít forget to read `Gretaís Homeworkí by Zina Cohen. Itís a succinct and entertaining book which demolishes the climate change myth. Your local bookshop wonít sell it because itís not woke Ė but you can buy it from Amazon.
Copyright Vernon Coleman July 2023