How to understand your medical notes

Dr Vernon Coleman





Doctors often use a private code when writing medical notes about patients. They do it partly to save time and partly so that patients wonít know what they have written. Just in case you get a chance to look at your medical records here are some of the abbreviations which are most commonly used these days. (Though do remember that not all these abbreviations are used in all hospitals or by all GPs).

NOD = Nice old duck
ACD = A complete dickhead
FAS = Fat and silly
NQOC = Not quite our class
RATTPO= Reassured and told to piss off
SITH = Soft in the head
BOAJ = Bit of a jerk
KSI = Knows someone important
PITB = Pain in the bum
SAD = Smelly and demented

If you find these abbreviations as offensive as I do, why not fight back?

Here are two sets of abbreviations that you could try scribbling against your doctorís name in retaliation:

JUSLTIAWC = Jumped up spotty little twerp in a white coat
POFIAS = Pompous old fart in a suit

Iím sure youíll be able to think of more.

Taken from `The Kick Ass A-Z for Over 60sí by Vernon Coleman

Copyright Vernon Coleman September 2022





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