Passing Observations 183

Dr Vernon Coleman

1. It takes, on average, just 30 seconds to buy a car park ticket with cash. It takes, on average, 29 minutes to buy a car park ticket with a credit card and 57 minutes, on average, to buy a car park ticket with an App. (I know this because I have timed the idiots who buy car park tickets with credit cards or Apps.)The unavoidable conclusion is that the world would be happier and far more productive place if all those people parking cars had to purchase tickets with cash.

2. Mozart wrote his first symphony at 8. William Pitt the younger was PM of England at 24. Alexander the Great conquered Greece and India and created great empire at the age of 18. Augustus Caesar was a Roman senator at 20. Joan of Arc was 17 when she had a commanding role in French army. Blaise Pascal was 19 when he developed his calculator. Mary Shelley was 20 when she published Frankenstein. Galusha Pennypacker was a brigadier general at 20. Lawrence Bragg won a Nobel prize at 25. Malala Yousafzai got a Nobel Prize at 17. And at some time in the next 12 months I hope to be able to play a recognisable tune on my harmonica. All examples of achievement at a young age.

3. There is enough coal on earth to last us 2,000 years. Coal is cleaner and better for the environment than burning wood pellets. Bring back coal!

4. It is difficult to think of a post-World War II American President who was not a fully-fledged war criminal.

5. Peopleís health is worse in the UK than anywhere in the developed world. Iím not surprised. The medical and nursing professions should stop making excuses and start taking responsibility.

6. UK taxpayers have so far given £4.6 billion in military aid (including depleted uranium shells) to Ukraine. Add to that several billion pounds in other types of aid and in providing food and homes for Ukrainians who left. This makes the UK taxpayer the second biggest supporter of Ukraine (after the US). So, now Britain is heading for the bankruptcy courts and Sunak, the grinning idiot in No 10 who is responsible for sending the depleted uranium shells, is heading for The Hague as a war criminal.

7. I am delighted to hear that the presumptuous and hubristic Prince William, well known hypocrite and climate change nutter, says he is going to end homelessness in Britain. He is presumably going to turn some of the many palaces and massive country homes owned by the royal family into flats and bedsit apartments. That would probably do it. Or he could ask his Dad to stop accepting the best part of £100 million a year of taxpayersí money, so that those funds can be used to help the homeless. Or maybe he is going to get a job so that he can become a taxpayer. Or maybe his plan is simpler than all that. Maybe he and his pal Klaus Schwab are just going to kill all the homeless with their Great Reset. Problem solved!

8. Silvio Berlusconi, who died recently, didnít enter politics until he was 57-years-old. He then formed his own political party and within three months he was in power. How wonderful. If I start a political party I could, if all goes according to plan, be in No 10 Downing Street before Christmas, ordering new wallpaper and checking to see what goodies the Sunaks have left in the fridge.

9. I receive scores of fake emails every day telling me that a parcel is waiting for me or that I have won some sort of prize. My favourite emails, however, are the ones (which come daily) telling me that someone has tried to do something to my Facebook page. I have, as you know, never been allowed to have a Facebook page. And for the record I am also banned by all other social media companies so if you see anything in my name on Facebook, Telegram, Twitter or wherever it is then it is fake.

10. If you havenít been censored or de-platformed you havenít said anything worth listening to.

11. Women with breast cancer shouldnít drink tap water. It contains hormones which can, in some cases, adversely affect their health.

12. Racists are still trying to introduce red squirrels into parts of England. They want farmers and landowners to trap grey squirrels (which they donít think are as pretty as the red squirrels) and give them to restaurants to be cooked. This is pure racism.

13. I think the BBC needs a new motto for its changing role in society. I suggest `Misinformation regit okí which is Latin for `Misinformation Rules OKí. They should have the motto carved over the entrances to all BBC buildings. And they need a new statue in the lobby. Might I suggest a life size statue of Martin Bashir would be appropriate?

14. Politicians and electricity companies promote smart meters as helping customers control their expenditure on electricity. There is much pressure on consumers to have smart meters installed, and cheap tariff electricity is sometimes only available to those who have agreed to have such a meter installed in their home. However, it was always clear that smart meters could be used by electric companies to control their customersí use of electricity and in the autumn of 2022, when it was mooted that there might be power cuts in the winter, it became clear that smart meters would be used to cut off customers from their electricity supply. It was also revealed that electricity companies were using smart meters to force customers onto pre-paid meters. If you have a smart meter in your home (and for years now Iíve been telling you that you shouldnít have one of these) your energy firm can remotely swap you onto a prepay meter. They can do this without your permission. Buying electricity through a prepay meter is more expensive than buying it the more usual way. It seems clear that smart meters will soon be introduced for other essential supplies such as water. Donít let them install one!

15. There is a widespread feeling that because the lockdowns caused pain, chaos, distress and much illness, the evil ones wonít ever bring them back. But that, I fear, is to underestimate the nature of the war we are fighting. The more they know how much damage the lockdowns did the more desperate they will be to bring them back.

16. Iím waiting for someone to announce that a special committee set up by the United Nations has decided that all the worldís problems have been caused by climate change and Brexit and that anyone who voted for Brexit must now be punished.

17. Road signs in England no longer contain distances in miles as they used to do. I suspect that this is because the civil servants responsible for road signs are certain that we will go back into the EU and they can put distances in kilometres on all future signs.

18. Signs in all public buildings warn customers that staff must not be abused in any way. Fair enough. But staff in some places are now so touchy, temperamental and easily offended that if you ask them a civil question they sulk, fly into an inappropriate temper and have you thrown out of the building.

19. Now that covid is officially no longer a threat, the EUís covid certificate (which proves only that the holder is a half-wit in need of parental care and attention) is being taken over by the WHO and the United Nations and is part of the WHOs Global Digital Health Certificate Network. Itís another giant step towards the Great Reset, a digital world and a World Government.

20. The big banks are making a fortune out of the war in Ukraine. And if and when the re-building starts, American companies will make a fortune out of that too. By the end of the war (if there is ever an end) America will own Ukraine lock, stock and barrel.

21. Big, tough Australian cricketers complained they were treated disrespectfully by MCC members in the pavilion after a controversial run-out helped them win a Test Match. Oh, how woke and wimpy the Aussies have become. Diddums nasty old men say nasty things to the poor little cricketer persons? Naturally, someone from the MCC apologised. I am ashamed to be a member. Not because members shared their views but because someone apologised to the wimps. Not on my behalf, sunshine.

Copyright Vernon Coleman July 2023