Passing Observations 245

Dr Vernon Coleman

1. The internet devalued everything (goods and services) by promoting the idea (and eternal expectation) of FREE.

2. Governments, controlled by the conspirators, have perfected the idea of creating problems, using the media and the professions to terrify us, and then swooping out of nowhere with a ready-made solution which inevitably erodes what is left of our freedom.

3. No one under the age of 30 should be allowed to vote, own a mobile phone or use the internet. No one who can be described as `woke’ should be allowed to vote, own a mobile phone or use the internet.

4. Are Google and its YouTube subsidiary now more evil, corrupt and damaging than Goldman Sachs? This is the question of the age. The only certainty is that Google (and therefore YouTube) has mastered the science of hypocrisy to an extent that even Bono and the British Royal Family must find impressive.

5. I believe that Tim Berners-Lee (inventor of the internet) has done more harm to mankind than anyone I can think of.

6. There is talk that Putin might nuke London. If he were to do that he would destroy the House of Commons, the House of Lords, 10 Downing Street, the BBC, Buckingham Palace and the Daily Mail.

7. The CIA has proved, time and time again, that it is very good at overthrowing governments and taking control of entire countries. Why shouldn’t they do it to the UK, Canada, Australia, New Zealand the whole of the EU?

8. The authorities don’t seem to be arresting shop lifters in the UK. And they don’t seem to be arresting shop lifters in the USA. Whenever something strange happens globally you can be sure it is part of the conspiracy. Just ask yourself `Why?’ Similarly, in most areas of the so-called civilised world it is now impossible to obtain a doctor or a policeman at night or at weekends.

9. `A prudent officer empties his bowels and fills his belly whenever he has the opportunity.’ Duke of Wellington

10. I’m delighted to report, exclusively, that leap frog is being introduced into the next Olympics in Paris. `We needed an event in which we could win a medal,’ said a French person.

11. Congratulations to the BBC for having the honesty to admit that it appoints staff specialising in misinformation and disinformation. Maybe the Government will follow the BBC’s example and appoint a Minister of Deceit.

12. Remember: If you’re not paranoid, you aren’t paying attention.

13. Hospital car parks are now so over-crowded that patients drive round and round for an hour or more looking for a space. This causes massive stress and results in appointments being missed. The problem is that most car parks are filled early in the morning by staff members – who often park free of charge. This all has to change. Staff should be banned from parking in hospital car parks. They should park off-site and travel in to work in special buses. Patients should be allowed to park free and people visiting patients should pay a fee. Hospital administrators need to remember that the most important people in hospitals are the patients.

14. `History is a lie, generally agreed upon.’ – Napoleon Bonaparte

15. A friend saw a shop assistant struggling with a wrist problem. He bought a wrist support at another store and gave it to the assistant as a small gift. On his next visit, the assistant (who was delighted with his unexpected gift) told my friend that he had bought a knee support for a colleague with a dodgy knee. Both of them said that their lives had been changed in more than one way. Our Government may not care about us and the professions have abandoned us, but if we stand together we can survive and even thrive.

16. When I ran my publishing company, I overheard two female members of staff discussing homosexuality. `What do you think of it?’ they asked a third member of staff. `It doesn’t bother me,’ he replied, `as long as they don’t ram it down my throat.’ He couldn’t understand why they laughed.

17. When I was a GP I met a good many truly interesting people with unusual jobs or hobbies. So, for example, I had a patient who was a professional ecdysiast who worked with six doves which she kept in a pigeon loft in her back garden and which she trained herself. I never saw her or them working but she worked in golf clubs, cricket clubs, working men’s clubs and large pubs and provided the entertainment at stag nights, parties and for all I know bar mitzvahs. One evening, when she was working in a pub in Dorchester, the resident cat escaped from the kitchens. The result was that the doves fluttered away from their posts and the ecdysiast was left exposed. To the sound of much booing and many shouts of disapproval a policeman in the audience arrested her for indecency and dragged her off to the local police station. The resultant appearance in the local magistrate’s court resulted in a massive amount of publicity in the national press and the ecdysiast found that herself busier than she had ever been. The £5 fine was, she told one reporter was the best investment she had ever made. One enterprising photographer persuaded her to meet and be photographed with the policeman who had arrested her. To start with the constable was embarrassed but she was not and after the photographs had been taken, in the lounge bar where the incident had occurred, they retired to a nearby bistro for a quiet meal together. Six weeks later they were married and the pair of them told me this story when I attended her first confinement just under a year later. The couple, still as happy as ever, recently celebrated their golden wedding anniversary and were pictured with their children and six grandchildren. One of their three granddaughters is following in the family tradition and has become a celebrated ecdysiast, though she works on a social media channel on the internet and her act does not, apparently, involve any livestock.

18. Please visit our Bookshop. Dozens of currently available books by Vernon Coleman can be found in the Bookshop on

19. A friend was going to have his cataracts done. `If you have better eyesight I’m going to have a face lift,’ his wife said. They agreed to do neither. She remains blurred and beautiful.

20. `I am for preserving the ancient, primitive distinction between right and wrong’. – Ambrose Bierce (author and idealist wrapped in cynic’s clothing)

Copyright Vernon Coleman May 2024