Passing Observations 67

Dr Vernon Coleman

This is a long standing series of small items which have caught my eye or mind and which seem relevant, startling, amusing or all three. Occasionally, items which appear here may return as a longer piece. Mostly they will not.

1. This evening I answered my mobile telephone (I usually let it ring but worried that it might be the hospital for some reason) and found myself listening to a woman who told me that she represented a firm which wanted to help me with 90% of my debts. Having had trouble with these calls before I wanted to say something that would end the call quickly. I don’t know why but, trying to sound excited, I told her that I was bankrupt and it would be great for them to help me. `Oh we can’t help you then,’ she said, firmly. And ended the call. Took no more than ten seconds.

2. The UK Government is allegedly planning to give £5,000 to every household, towards the cost of replacing perfectly decent gas boilers with heat pumps. The new heat pumps will provide warmth derived from electricity. The electricity will be largely created by burning gas in contrast to the old gas boilers which provided warmth created by burning gas. And all for around £12,000 per home.

3. Two or three weeks ago we sent a cheque to an old lady whom A met. She rang today to thank us. She only received the cheque today because the local council intercepts all her mail in case she shows signs of having any money. Apparently, her husband spent some time in a council nursing home and the old lady couldn’t afford to pay the fees. So, now they confiscate all her mail and rummage through it in case there are any cheques. The delay occurred because the council employee responsible for sorting through her mail was on holiday. It seems that our cheque got through because it was intended for charitable purposes. I cannot believe it can be legal for a council to do this. But I can believe they would do it.

4. It has always been my belief that if old and infirm (or young and infirm) one should always try to live in a hotel rather than a nursing home. Decent hotels are much cheaper than nursing homes and the food and care are likely to be much better. Plus they’re less likely to kill you.

5. Nothing in the world is more contaminated with bugs than the hot tap in a public loo.

6. I saw a teenage girl walking through town wearing a sweater with the word `SMILE’ on it in large letters. She was wearing a mask. They don’t get irony, do they?

7. A cathedral I know, now open, has increased its admission charge from £5 to £7.50. That, by my reckoning, is a 50% increase. Price gouging.

8. We are told that dogs and cats can catch covid-19. So who will be the first of the Government’s advisors to insist that dogs and cats must wear masks? Or will it be the chairman of the British Medical Association – the doctors’ trade union?

9. A is worried about my memory. I told her that old people tend to forget things because they have been around longer and have therefore learned more stuff. `My brain is pretty full up with facts and names and memories,’ I told her. `There isn’t a lot of room for new stuff and I sometimes have to rummage around a little to find stuff which I know is there. It’s a bit like the attic.’ A did not look convinced. `You told me that once before,’ she said, clearly not reassured.

10. We found an injured fledgling crow in our courtyard. It seems likely that he was blown from one of the nests in a nearby, huge beech tree. A and I dug around in the garden and found and fed him eleven worms. We both hated doing it (the worms were still alive when they fed into the crow’s gaping beak) but we wanted to keep the bird alive if possible and he was terribly uninterested in everything else we tried (bread, sunflower hearts, baked beans).At one point we spotted a robin tugging a worm out of the ground. A and I looked at each other and then laughed. The same thought had occurred to both of us. But we couldn’t do it and we left the robin with his meal. However, a little later when we were digging for worms the robin turned up and stole a large, juicy worm from under our noses. From time to time the crow would let out a blood curdling screech. At one point he did so just as I was dangling a worm above his beak. Startled, I leapt backwards as though I were practising for the `six feet leap backwards from a standing start’ event in the Olympics. When we went to bed the crow was still occasionally calling out to his disinterested parents. A couple of noisy young owls joined in the impromptu and unlikely chorus and the decibel levels grew. Town dwellers often think that it’s quiet in the countryside.

11. The energy crisis, and high energy prices, hitting the world will ruin some countries (including the UK) but there are countries which will survive very well. Poland, for example, will do well because 70% of their electricity comes from coal. Wise investors will doubtless be putting their money into Poland.

12. The dentist told me that dentists are now the most sued professionals. Apparently, patients are suing their dentists over stuff that happened decades ago. ‘Patients are even suing dentists who are dead,’ he told me gloomily. The result is that dentists are wary about doing anything at all to patients’ teeth or gums. Lawyers have done their best to destroy the NHS. (Not just through the billions they take out of it in their fees, but in changing the way staff think.) And it seems that they are now also determined to destroy dentistry.

13. I received an email from a reader who says: `I came across a book called Addicts and Addiction written by yourself and available as a second hand copy. Do you think it would be worth buying?’ What do you say?

14. A chap who came to measure up for new curtains brought with him a strange looking stepladder. He told us that the health and safety experts had insisted that he use this type of stepladder and no other. The problem, he pointed out, is that they also pointed out that he is not allowed to step up higher than the lowest rung. So he could get the same uplift by standing on tip toes or a family Bible. He told us that because he sometimes has to reach up in order to hang curtains he had to go on a special course usually reserved for roofers. He told us that he learned absolutely nothing on the one day course, which cost his firm £385, but that he was given a good luncheon. He also told us that he has twice been refused access to new build homes (which were occupied by their new owners) because a builder spotted him and told him that he had to leave because he wasn’t wearing a hard hat, safety boots and a high visibility vest. As he struggled a little with one of those long, metal tape measures I suggested that he would soon have to go on another course to learn how to use a tape measure without injuring himself. The look he gave me suggested that it wasn’t funny.

15. A plumber came today to connect a dishwasher. He talked to himself constantly. He came alone and I spent an hour or so acting as the unofficial `plumber’s mate’. Moving things, sweeping up, making tea. But there was a silver lining. On my way down the drive to open the main gate for him to leave I spotted a newspaper which had blown into a far corner of the garden, a part I hadn’t been in for a while. And when I picked up the newspaper sheets I saw an extensive bed of beautiful lilac cyclamen that I had never seen before.

16. A man came to see about turning our huge wooden gates into electric gates. The gate salesman told us that new health and safety rules have dramatically increased the price of gate installation since there now have to be devices fitted to prevent children getting their heads stuck between the gate and the gatepost. This business of using legislation to prevent every possible type of accident is counter-productive because people expect to be protected and forget all about common sense and being sensible.

17. Holding festivals appears to have become big business. Cheltenham, on the edge of the Cotswolds, appears to have one every week. They apparently even have a chocolate festival. We spent a few minutes trying to think of daft festival ideas. My best attempts included Dog Biscuit Festival and the Tambourine Festival but I was beaten hands down by A’s attempts which included The Colouring in Book Festival and the Bubble Wrap Popping Festival.

18. GCHQ in Cheltenham (home for UK’s spies) is reported to have started an offensive cyber operation to disrupt anti-vaccine propaganda. (I thought they’d started that years ago.)

19. Natural immunity to a disease is at least as good as, or better than, any immunity provided by any form of external agent (such as a jab of any kind). I’m sorry to disappoint the drug companies and government advisors but it just is. The human body is very good at looking after itself.

20. A woman in the news claims that her kitchen cupboards were made out of recycled tyres. Wonderful. I’ll give a £10 prize to the first person to make tyres out of recycled kitchen cupboards.

Copyright Vernon Coleman October 2021

Vernon Coleman’s latest book is called `Endgame: The Hidden Agenda 21’. The book explains how we got here, why we got here and where we will end up if the resistance movement doesn’t win the war we are fighting. `Endgame’ is available on Amazon as a paperback and an eBook. Vernon Coleman’s first book about the covid hoax - `Coming Apocalypse – is still available. It was published in April 2020. The book summarised what had already happened and what Dr Coleman believed was about to happen. If you read it you can check how accurate he was.

And Vernon Coleman’s international bestseller `Bodypower’, which explains how your body can look after itself, is still available as a paperback and an eBook.