Passing Observations 6

Vernon Coleman

1. I found a couple of old £20 notes in an old wallet. Itís always annoying when that happens but it shouldnít be a problem. Old bank notes can always be swapped by the Bank of England. I know that if I send the notes off to the Bank of England they will send me a cheque for £40. But (and here lies the problem) the Bank of England gives a special address for citizens wishing to change old bank notes. I know several people who have sent notes off to the Bank Ė but who received no reply. Itís an odd thing but money sent to the Bankís special `Please Change My Old Banknotes Addressí always seems to get lost on the way. Why doesnít the Bank simply allow folk to send their out-of-date banknotes to a general address Ė instead of putting an address on the envelope which screams `money insideí? The result of the Bankís stupidity is that I now have to pay for my notes to be sent to the Bank by Special Delivery. And that will mean a lengthy queue at a Post Office counter. And a bill that will eat up a big chunk of the £40.

2. Two third of our MPs are Liberal Democrats who pretend they arenít because they are (just) bright enough to know that if they admitted that they were Liberal Democrats then no one would vote for them because everyone in politics (and the wider world) knows that the only two things Liberal Democrats are devoted to are the European Union and failure. The voters donít share their enthusiasm for the European Union and they have had quite enough failure, thank you very much.

3. There is now an app available which provides cat sitters. (I have no idea, incidentally, why anyone would want to hire a cat sitter. All the cats I have known have been very independent creatures.) The price to hire a cat sitter is £20 for a 30 minute session. Thatís £40 an hour. There is also an app which provides babysitters. I find this more understandable. The price for hiring a babysitter is £6 an hour. So, it now costs over six times as much to hire a cat sitter as it does to hire a babysitter. Itís a strange world, aint it?

4. Recycling paper is bad for the planet. If paper is recycled then there is no need for more trees. And trees are, of course, essential for keeping the planet healthy. Just thought I ought to mention this.

5. Big energy companies are now banning customers from joining their cheapest deals unless they have smart meters fitted. That suggests to me that smart meters are `goodí for big energy companies. And we already know they are good for the government Ė because smart meters enable the authorities to turn your supply on and off when they feel like it. But smart meters certainly arenít much good for customers! The inconvenience and disruption simply isnít worthwhile.

6. The EU produces a plethora of small and annoying rules. There is, of course, a hidden purpose. The aim is to keep us so busy with the minor, irritating crap (such as recycling rules) and so busy working to pay our taxes and our credit card debts that we donít have the time or the energy or inclination to research (let alone do anything about) the bad stuff politicians are doing.

7. Greens are people who insist on blaming other people for their failures and inadequacies and who wish others to suffer so that they can bask in the sunshine of their own self-righteousness.

8. EU leaders have said theyíll refuse to speak to Boris Johnson if he becomes Prime Minister. This is brilliant news since it means we can go straight to `no dealí without wasting time on pointless negotiations.

9. No one else seems to have mentioned it but Boris will, I think, be our first American born Prime Minister if he gets the nod from Tory members and Labour Party infiltrators. (Boris was born in New York.)

10. The lefty Remainer luvvy who made a sneaky, Big Brother style tape recording of Borisís domestic altercation gets my personal award as Low Life of the Year Ė though it seems typical behaviour for a Remainer. It was no surprise that The Guardian leapt on the tape with all the enthusiasm of a smutty pervert grabbing an upskirt snap. The Guardian is, of course, a firm supporter of Hitlerís legacy and I wouldnít be surprised if the staff clicked heels at the start of editorial conferences. What has the EU done to our country?

Copyright Vernon Coleman June 2019