1. Millennials, snowflakes and children are too busy whingeing and picking nits to care about the broken bones of our society. If they werenít so self-obsessed the world might improve.
2. Existentialism is the posh way of saying `it is what it isí.
3. Cricket bosses are worried that the average cricket watcher is elderly, white, male and affluent. They chose to destroy cricket by flogging the television rights to a satellite broadcaster. I suggest they hand out boot black at the gates and reduce the prices from £300 a day.
4. Sanctimonious, reality TV producers making exploitative programmes with vulnerable people treat lie detector tests as though they were scientific. Lie detector tests can be cheated and they can give false results. They measure nervousness. People appearing on TV tend to be nervous.
5. Scots always seem alarmed when Scottish currency isnít recognised in England. Itís a sneak into the future when Scotland has its own worthless currency.
6. All the power in England is in London. A century ago local government raised 75% of the money it spent. Today local government raises only 20% of the money it spends. Thatís madness.
7. The worldís biggest conspiracy is that vaccination is safe and effective.
8. Wind turbines have killed more people than nuclear power.
9. Macron is a europhile in a eurosceptic country. Itís hardly surprising he is unpopular. The French rejected the European constitution in 2005 but the EU got round that by relabeling the constitution the `Lisbon Treatyí and ignoring the voters. Macron is a gift to Le Pen.
10. You donít have to tell the car licensing people that you donít need a car licence if you donít have a car. Why do you have to tell the BBC if you donít need a TV licence?
11. The Government doesnít want us to use plastic. (Theresa Mayís only achievement has been to ban those little plastic sticks with which people stir their drinks.) So why have they started making our currency notes out of plastic?
12. The EU believes in making lists of things we are allowed to do. The British way has always been to make lists of things we are not allowed to do. We were never going to be comfortable together.
Copyright Vernon Coleman 2019