Rules for Children

Vernon Coleman

Children seem to have decided that adults have ruined the world and they are demanding that we change our habits. They want us to stop using motor cars, abandon capitalism and close down factories and farms.

It seems only fair that children who believe that climate change is man-made and that we are heading for an over-heated apocalypse should make a little effort themselves.

Here is what they must do:

1. Children must stop eating ice creams and lollies. The energy required to manufacture and store these items is phenomenal. Every ice cream and ice lolly consumed, damages the planet permanently.
2. Children must spend three hours every evening working on an allotment and growing vegetables. Between the months of October and March, this work period may be cut to two hours. If we are going to stop using fossil fuels and fertilisers then we are going to have work harder to grow our food. Children might as well become accustomed now to the future they have demanded for us all.
3. Children must stop eating sweets and cakes. These items have very low nutritional value and their production is, therefore, a waste of energy.
4. Children must never travel further than they can bicycle. When planning holidays they and their parents must ensure that the holiday destination can be reached on foot or by bicycle. International travel puts too much of a strain on our limited resources. Incidentally, it has been established by proper scientists that electric cars use up more energy than diesel and petrol driven cars and are, therefore, completely unacceptable.
5. Children must never use smart phones, laptops or computers of any kind. This will mean abandoning social media. All these items use vast amounts of electricity and must, therefore, do irreparable damage to the planet.

Any child who claims that climate change is destroying the planet but who does not follow all these simple rules is a hypocrite.

Copyright Vernon Coleman May 2019

P.S. With Wimbledon just around the corner I am appalled at the knowledge that the authorities there use over 50,000 balls every summer. This is outrageous and wasteful of energy and resources. The Wimbledon players should be able to make do with one ball. They can play their games sequentially rather than simultaneously. If a Ball Replacement Committee decides that the ball has been totally lost or irreparably damaged, it could be replaced.