Agoraphobia: Is it really what people think it is? Or is it something different?


Agoraphobia is defined in the dictionary as, ‘an irrational fear of open spaces’. And it’s a myth that agoraphobia is a common condition – it is not. In fact, the fear of open spaces is actually quite rare.

What most people mean by ‘agoraphobia’ is, I believe, something quite different. Most alleged agoraphobics are actually suffering from ‘social phobia’ – a fear of social contact and of social situations. It isn’t going out into open spaces that agoraphobics are frightened of – but meeting strangers.

Social phobia is usually born out of feelings of inadequacy. If you are a sufferer of social phobia then you need to analyse why you feel that you are not as worthy as other people. Maybe somebody has said something hurtful to you in the past which has made you want to withdraw from society. Maybe you think that you are ugly or stupid or inarticulate. Whatever the reason/s, the best way to tackle it is to sit down and think rationally about the cause of your phobia.

Social phobia can sometimes be caused by the sufferer being unhappy with his or her appearance. If this applies to you, then you need to find practical ways to change your self-image from a negative one into a positive one. Ask close friends and family who you trust to pick out your best features. You will probably find from their answers that the image you have of yourself is a distorted one. If you still don’t like your appearance then change it. Visit a reputable hairdresser and get a new hair-do. If you’re overweight, talk to your doctor about ways to lose it. Experiment with different clothes, etc.

If you aren’t blessed with good looks then does it really matter? Even the best-looking people lose their looks eventually. Think back during the times when you’ve met people who aren’t very good-looking; did you think badly of them? My guess is is that their appearance didn’t even bother you. If somebody is bothered by your looks, in my view, their opinion doesn’t matter anyway. How can one respect somebody who is that shallow?

If you feel inadequate because you think you are stupid then do something about it. Ask close friends and family who you trust to tell you what your strengths are. If there is a particular subject that makes you feel especially stupid, then improve your knowledge of it. It is my belief that confidence comes through achievement.

I’ve known social phobics who have been in therapy for years but have not got anywhere near to overcoming their phobia. In fact, therapy has hindered their lives. They used to believe that their therapist would eventually cure them of their phobia. They put all their faith into their therapist, while they put their lives ‘on hold.’ What they never realised was that it was up to them to take responsibility of their lives by doing all the hard work themselves.

Social phobia will not cure itself. Nor can it be cured by a magic pill. Unfortunately, only you can overcome your phobia. Nobody else can but you.

Friends and family may think they are being helpful by going to the shops for you or by running little errands on your behalf. They are being helpful in the short-term, but in the long-term this doesn’t help you. Don’t hide behind friends or loved-ones – it is not fair on them and it certainly isn’t fair on you. Hiding behind friends or loved-ones feels comfortable and safe. The fact that you are dependent on them may feel comfortable and safe for them too. Don’t allow this to happen – it is not healthy for both parties. The most helpful thing your friends or loved-ones can do for you is to accompany you to the shops until you feel strong enough to go by yourself. Begin, by doing a little at a time. If, for the first time you can only manage a walk to the end of your road, then that is fine. In fact, that is excellent because it shows that you have the motivation and, most of all, the courage to help yourself.

(You can only be brave by doing something that you are frightened of. A social phobic who is frightened of walking down to the end of his or her road needs far more courage than a soldier who is not frightened of going into battle).

Being at home all day, gives the social phobic plenty of time to think about their illness to the point of self-obsession. This is not good. Too much time provided for introspection combined with a vivid imagination allows fears to escalate. The longer you deter getting better, the harder it will become. It is all too easy to sit back and do nothing and waste the years you have in front of you.

Social phobia does require a lot of effort to overcome – most phobias are the same. Nothing is going to change in 10 years' time if you aren’t willing to do anything to help yourself now. Social phobia doesn’t cure itself. But the tragic thing is, that in 10 or 20 years' time, you might look back on your past and regret all the years of living you have missed out on. What about all the exciting adventures you could have had? Or the exciting people you could have met? How awful to miss out on all of that. I know that life can be tough and that there are bad people in the world, but life and people can be good too. Try not to look upon people or life too negatively. It’s up to you to make your life exciting.

I know it’s a cliché, but you only live once. Don’t miss out on life. Social phobia can be overcome. I should know because I was once a sufferer too.


To those of you who are feeling depressed about their situation, I want to share with you something which I read recently. A wise man once said to a suicidal young woman: "When people think only of themselves, that’s when they’re most unhappy. Why don’t you try doing something for someone else; just once in your life, that’s enough. At any rate, give it one more year. And during that year, just once, do something to make someone else happy. If you still want to die, then come back here. If you do that, I’ll help you die painlessly?" (Extracted from: Autobiography of a Geisha by Sayo Masuda). I’m pleased to say that the young woman did carry out the wise man’s advice to help others and is now an old lady.



Note: Readers who want more information about conquering fears and phobias will find ‘Mindpower’ and ‘How To Relax And Overcome Stress’ useful. Both are by Vernon Coleman and both are available in the Web shop on this site.





Copyright Donna Antoinette Coleman 2005

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