Election Notes 2017

Vernon Coleman

1. Diane Abbott is rapidly turning out to be the brains of the Labour party. Who’d have thought it? It is comforting to think that Corbyn’s former mistress will be in charge of a major Ministry if the Millenials have their way and the Labour Party wins the election. Goody.

2. The enthusiasm for elected mayors is entertaining. No one has yet noticed that bringing in all these new mayors is merely a crafty way to reintroduce the Regional Parliaments which the EU wanted to foist upon us and which the British electorate rejected. (The London Assembly and the mini parliaments in Scotland and Wales are merely Regional Parliaments as devised and approved by Adolf’s ever enthusiastic followers.)

3. It’s sad to see Poland and France deciding to make Brexit as difficult as possible. Didn’t we save those two sorry nations in WWII when they were overrun by Adolf and the boys? Ungrateful bastards.

4. The EU has made a mistake in interfering with the British election and annoying Theresa May. She may have been an enthusiastic Brexiteer before, but I bet she now hates the EU as much as ardent Anglophiles.

5. Nigel Farage has once again proved himself to be the most able and astute politician in Britain. Keeping out of the election which saw the demise of UKIP was a masterstroke.

6. Corbyn et al will probably vote against any Brexit deal (assuming any of them are left in the House of Commons after the June election). This is great news. No deal at all would be the best deal for the United Kingdom. We need the EU about as much as we need Luxembourg. The EU, on the other hand, needs to keep flogging us cars, washing machines and soggy cheese. Our negotiators will screw things up and if a deal is done it will doubtless be appallingly lily-livered. So, we’ll be better off without one.

7. Americans who bought German diesel cars made by the appalling VW company are up to their knees in compensation. But in Britain, the unfortunate sods who bought VW cars will (thanks to Merkel and the EU) have to pay for their mistake. Moreover, it seems that anyone who listened to the Labour Party and bought any sort of diesel powered vehicle will be publicly whipped and humiliated. (There is some irony in the fact that the electric cars, which are so fashionable, run on electricity derived largely from burning diesel.)

8. In France, the pro EU presidential candidate is being supported by anarchists and anti-fascism groups. This is a sign of intense stupidity since the EU is acknowledged to be the most fascist organisation ever created. Still, no one ever claimed the French were bright, did they?

9. Populism is the latest term of abuse among the metropolitan elite. But what precisely is populism? It’s political control by the people, for the people. The word ‘populism’ is a synonym for democracy. And that, of course, is why it is so hated by the metropolitan elite.

10. The SNP and the Welsh nationalists are going to be slaughtered in the General Election. What a shame. The leaders of both have replaced the idea of representation with disconnected hubris and, as a result, their days are over. Couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of nonentities.

Copyright Vernon Coleman 2017

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