The EU Perks Britons Will Lose

Vernon Coleman

French President Hollande recently had the sauce to claim that Britain will not be able to hang onto EU perks when we leave the Nazi inspired European Union.

There has been some puzzlement in Britain over the nature of these perks.

What, exactly, are the perks we will be losing when we quit the EU?

Well, after considerable research I have been able to identify the perks to which France’s incredibly unpopular President was referring. These are the perks we are losing:

1. Our representatives will no longer be able to attend 18 course dinners in exotic surroundings.
2. We will no longer be allowed to enjoy abuse from the EU’s variety of Presidents, Commissioners and eurocrats – all of whom have, for years, delighted in messing with our lives in every imaginable way for the sole and simple reason that they could, and when you are nerdy Belgian, Luxembourger (or some other variety of foreigner) it is great fun to mess with the lives of robust islanders who live in London, Milton Keynes and Port Talbot, without there being any chance of them ever being able to do anything about it – not even say ‘boo’.
3. We will not be allowed to wave the EU’s silly flag at the Last Night of the Proms. We will, instead, have to wave our Union Jacks and England flags.

And that’s it I’m afraid.

On the other hand, once we leave the EU we will once again be free to refer to the French in general (and Hollandaise in particular) as ‘frogs’ and the Germans as ‘krauts’.

So, as we struggle to come to terms with the loss of our EU perks we will have something to look forward to.

Copyright Vernon Coleman

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