Why Is Being Old Such A Crime?


Last week in town, I bumped into a friend of mine whom I hadn't seen for ages. Quite a few years have passed by since I saw her last, and I thought she looked remarkably well - the best I had ever seen her look in fact.

'Do you notice anything different about me?' she squealed with a child-like look of excitement in her eyes. 'You look good', I immediately replied. 'In what way do I look good?' she quizzed. As my eyes scanned her 5ft 6in stature, I tried in earnest to see why I thought she looked so well. Her weight was still a perfect size 10, her hairstyle was the same stylish bob, etc. As I mentally ticked off all the possible explanations for my friend's 'new look', I honestly couldn't find a reason. 'Er, you just look good', I said hesitantly, being aware that my non-specific reply could offend. 'Yes, but in what way?' she sighed, clearly frustrated by my lack of ability at playing 'spot the difference'. She then roughly grabbed my right index finger and used it to tap the space in between her eyebrows three times. Up until that point I had always considered my friend to be a sane and well-balanced individual, but my opinion of her was rapidly changing. 'Can't you see it?' she cried almost hysterically. 'What?' I asked. 'My frown mark of course - it's disappeared!' 'Oh, I never realised you had one', I replied. 'What?' she said in disbelief. 'I didn't use half my savings to freeze my frown line so that no-one would notice that I never had one'. 'You've had botox?' I almost shouted after having quickly decided that it was best not to even think about the strange logic in her last sentence. 'Yes, I have', she announced proudly. 'I didn't know getting older bothered you so much', I said somewhat surprised.

Although my botox buddy was always immaculately turned out, she never struck me as being the sort of person to go to such lengths to look younger than her 35 years. 'It's no big deal, she insisted. Everyone's having botox these days, my next-door neighbour and my aunt have had it done. Why would I want to look like a dried up old prune when I can do something about it?'

As we parted, after I had spent the best part of an hour hearing the ins and outs of what she was going to have done next to conceal her age, I felt a sense of sadness. Sadness at the fact that she and millions of women (and men) should go to such lengths to stay young looking. Why should growing older be such a bad thing? Why should looking old be so grotesque?

Never before, have there been so many people opting for plastic surgery to try and reverse the aging process. When I was a child, only Hollywood Stars had plastic surgery, now it's just as likely to be my next-door neighbour! We've become a nation obsessed with youth. You only have to go into the local chemist's and look at the number of anti-wrinkle creams that are on display. It almost gives me a headache just looking at them. Switch on the television, and you're very likely to see the latest wonder cream containing liposome-AHA-thingamajig being promoted. Flick open a women's magazine, and you'll find tips on how to hold back the ageing process. Walk into a bookstore, and you'll almost certainly find books that will tell you how you can look youthful. Why this anti-age mania?

I have to admit that I'm not totally immune to this 'mania' that seems to be sweeping Britain. I've often looked at myself in the mirror, especially in the mornings, and thought about what surgery I would have done if my premium bond numbers should ever come up. But I'd like to think that if push came to shove, I would not go through with it as hopefully, I'd realise by then just how silly I was being because I'm so lucky to have a husband who loves me for me.

Our obsession with youth isn't helped of course, by the way the elderly are treated by the Government these days. They're left on trolleys in hospital corridors for hours, they lose all rights to pensions if they should go to live abroad, they're given very little money to live on, and if they do have money saved up, or they own their houses, then they have to use their savings, or sell their houses, to pay towards nursing care if they should need it. The way the Government treats the elderly is diabolical.

The elderly are also treated badly by the media; they are sneered at and ridiculed all the time. For example, Vernon Coleman's inspiring and beautifully written book, Mrs Caldicot's Cabbage War (about an elderly woman's battles with the world) which has just been turned into a major movie starring Pauline Collins and John Alderton, received a rather patronising review in The Sunday Times a few months ago. The Sunday Times described the movie's target audience as: 'undemanding oldies'.

I have often read derisive comments in the newspapers about another ageing population: ageing celebrities (Mick Jagger seems to be a particular favourite for ridicule). I remember when Joan Collins stripped down to her basque and stockings for a play she was doing in the West End - the uproar that caused was phenomenal. If she had been a twenty-something woman with that same svelte figure, she would have caused a sensation I'm sure. (On the subject of twenty-something, I was shocked to read just recently, a pop star being referred to as an 'old boiler' - the pop star was 25!)

We must try and stamp out ageism before it gets any worse. If the elderly are treated this badly now, then I dread to think how the next generation of old people will be treated in 20-30 years' time. The elderly were young once, and we must not forget that we will all be old one day too.

It suddenly dawned on me, after having parted company with my friend, why it was that she looked so good. Of course! That's what it was! Silly me. She was smiling. Smiling with confidence. Whenever I used to see her in the past, she would always be walking around with her head bent down and scowling, hence the reason for the alleged frown mark. How sad it is that a deadly poison from a needle should give her this new-found confidence and how even sadder it is that her new-found confidence will probably disappear as soon as her botox injection wears off.


Copyright Donna Antoinette Coleman (2003)

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